I am sitting here typing this while my four very healthy children are safe and sound in their beds. I know Jack has masto, but I don't care...there are so many terrible things it could be.
I work in a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. I see terrible, awful things. It has been an especially bad few weeks. A beautiful 7 year old just lost her battle with cancer on the 10th, a boy my kids go to school with lost his battle today. A five year old lays dying right as I type this from a brain tumor and a 20 yr old lays unresponsive in hospice care...it's only a matter of days. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I want to scream. How can so many children lose their lives far too early...they have so much living to do. It's just not fair. I know that many, many people...moms, dads, friends, brothers, sisters, etc...have asked the same questions I ask before, and there will never be an answer. I still wonder though.
I think for me, I look for the good to come out. There has to be some good that comes from all these terrible, senseless deaths. Even something as small as me realizing that even though my 3 year old has masto, he will grow, it can be managed, I will appreciate him all the more. Even amidst the crazy that my life has become, it's a great crazy.
I am very spiritual. I believe these children will be "around". They will give subtle signs of their well being, even after physical death. I find this thought to be comforting--to know that these children will continue to be part of their families, even if they only "check in" from time to time. Watch John Edward on "WE" tv if you don't know what I'm saying.
I pray that these families will find some peace eventually. I don't think they'll ever accept the deaths of these children, but they will learn to live with it. They will go on because they have other children and they have to. Life does go on, even if it doesn't seem like it should.
Please join me in praying for all families with children sick with cancer.
Good night.
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2 comments:
My daughter lost one of her best friends a few months ago in a terrible automobile accident. Anytime a child passes on is a very sad time, when this little friend of my daughters passed I thought to myself this could have been one of my girls. I’ve raised all three of my girls since they were babies. When I first started going to the leukemia ward at M.D. Anderson back in 2001 I was going to start aggressive chemotherapy, I was very afraid until I saw all the children vomiting in trash cans, wearing due rags to cover their bald heads it was a real eye opening experience to say the least. I was an EMT for 6 years and I’ve seen my share of tragedy but nothing prepares you for the loss of a child. I really enjoy reading your blog thanks for sharing with us all.
Kevin
Thanks Kevin. Sometimes it's nice just to get your thoughts out. Children, in general, are so resilient. It's amazing what they get through, and they just keep on living their lives without a second thought. They amaze me daily.
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